


This Time Around

by LoriLee (cowgirl65)



Category: The Big Valley
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-24
Updated: 2010-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 10:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirl65/pseuds/LoriLee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can Jarrod open his heart to love again after Beth's death?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jarrod hunched over in the saddle and tried to conserve what little body heat he had left. The rain felt like icy daggers driven before the wind and Jarrod wouldn’t have been surprised if it turned to sleet or even snow. His horse plodded along and the lawyer gave the sturdy animal a pat on the neck.

“Gotta keep going, fella,” he said encouragingly.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, buying a horse to take him to the next station when a landslide took out the train tracks. He’d promised Audra he’d be home in time for her birthday but the fates seemed to be conspiring against him. The rain had started late the previous day and only got worse as the night progressed. Jarrod found a bit of shelter for himself and his mount under a large tree, but they both were cold and soaked by the time the morning came as a dim gray light.

Now, freezing in the teeth of the storm, Jarrod just prayed he’d find somewhere dry. And warm. And while he was dreaming, he might as well wish for a sizzling steak and a hot pot of coffee to go with it.

Suddenly, Jarrod pulled the horse to a stop. The tired steed didn’t object and let out a sigh as it stood still, head down. Jarrod peered through the heavy rain, hoping against hope what he’d seen wasn’t a figment of his imagination. But, no, there it was. He could barely make it out, but a dark shadow loomed through the downpour, a building of some sort.

Jarrod urged the horse forward. They pulled up in front of a small farmhouse and Jarrod thought he could make out the shapes of some outbuildings. He slid out of the saddle and walked onto the front porch, not bothering to tie the horse as he knew it wouldn’t stray in this weather. Rapping on the door, Jarrod tried to keep from shivering as he hoped for someone to answer.

The door opened and Jarrod almost fainted at the comforting surge of warmth from the house’s interior.

“I was wondering if I could impose on you for shelter from this storm for me and my horse,” he said, glad his teeth weren’t chattering.

“Of course. It isn’t fit for man or beast to be out in this weather.” Jarrod smiled in gratitude at the young woman standing at the door. He had obviously disturbed her in the middle of baking; a wide apron covered the front of her dress, her sleeves were pushed to the elbows and her arms were covered in flour. “Please come in.”

Much as he wanted to get out of the chilling rain, the need to care for his mount before seeing to his own comfort had been ingrained into Jarrod from childhood. “If you have a barn or shed, ma’am, I’d like to see to my horse first.”

“Of course. The barn’s right across from the house,” she told him, indicating the direction. “Please help yourself to whatever you need.”

Jarrod raised a hand, tipping his hat in thanks. “I’m much obliged.”

 

Ariana watched as the waterlogged stranger picked up the reins of his horse and led him to the barn. Then she shut the door and walked across to the room on the other side. That poor man was soaked to the skin and the weather being what it was, all his belongings were probably soaked, too. He’d need something warm and dry if he weren’t to catch pneumonia.

Ria went to a corner of the bedroom and opened the chest that sat against the wall. She’d never been able to part with John’s things and thought some of his clothes might fit the man outside. She pulled out a red flannel union suit, almost new, a heavy cotton shirt and a pair of wool pants and laid them across the bed. She then went to the wardrobe and retrieved a thick towel, placing it beside the clothing. Then Ria went back to the stove and put on a fresh pot of coffee along with some of the stew she had left over from her own dinner.

It wasn’t long before she heard the stamp of feet on the porch and a light tap on the door. “It’s open,” she called. The stranger entered and closed the door behind him. He took off his hat and stood dripping on the threshold.

“Don’t worry about the water,” Ria assured him, “the floor’s just wood, it’ll wipe right away.” She met his eyes and was startled by their blue intensity.

“I’m grateful for the hospitality, ma’am,” he said in a rich baritone. “I hope I’m not putting you at too great an inconvenience.” He gave her a charming smile that warmed Ria all the way to her toes.

“Not at all.” Ria gestured to the open bedroom door. “I put out a towel and some dry clothes in there,” she informed him. “Go change out of those wet things and by then the coffee should be ready.”

He inclined his head to her. “I’m in your debt,” he said with another smile and went into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Ria took a deep breath to calm the butterflies awakened by the handsome stranger and went to stir the stew.

 

 

Jarrod quickly peeled off his wet garments and dried himself with the towel provided. He hadn’t got a good look at her when she first opened the door, the gloom outside and the light inside had cast her features into shadow. But by the warm light of the lamps and the fireplace, Jarrod was able to appreciate the honey-gold hair and curvaceous nature of his hostess. But she was likely married if the man’s clothing she set out for him were any indication. He felt an unexpected pang of sorrow as he dressed, thinking if that bullet meant for him hadn’t found Beth instead, he’d be on his way home to the loving arms of his wife as well as his family. Eight months ago, and he couldn’t decide whether it felt like just yesterday or already a lifetime away…

Jarrod shook his head, trying to shake the melancholy mood. It was over, in the past, and, since everybody told him he should get on with life, that’s just what he was trying to do. He squared his shoulders and returned to the other room, determined to be thankful he was out of the storm and it seemed, from the delicious smell wafting into his nostrils, taken in by a good cook to boot.

“That smells wonderful.”

His benefactress turned, giving him a warm smile that seemed to light up the room. “Have a seat, it won’t be a moment.”

Jarrod sat at the table and gazed around the room as she dished out the stew. Not a large place, but sturdy and well built. A delicate silver clock stood on the mantel, warm yellow curtains hung from the windows and the whole house gave off the air of a happy home. His eyes lit on a framed picture of his hostess and a man in what was most likely their wedding finery over top of a full bookshelf. “You have a lovely home, Mrs…” he started to say as she placed a filled plate in front of him and shook his head, slightly embarrassed. “Forgive me, I don’t believe we’ve introduced ourselves. I’m Jarrod Barkley.”

Her face grew slightly pink as well at the oversight. “My name’s Ariana Andrews. But please just call me Ria, Mr. Barkley.”

“Then you must call me Jarrod,” he reciprocated. “Won’t you join me?”

Ria placed two coffee cups on the table. “I’m right in the middle of baking, but I’ll join you for some coffee,” she said as she filled the cups and sat down.

Jarrod took a bite of the stew, the contrast from being cold and hungry to warm and comfortable making it possibly the best thing he’d ever tasted. “My compliments to the chef,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “I hope your husband won't be too put out by my eating his dinner.”

Ria shook her head slowly and a hint of sadness appeared on her face. “My husband passed on a little over a year ago. I never have been able to break the habit of cooking for two, so there’s always plenty to spare.”

“I’m sorry,” Jarrod said simply. He understood the heartache of losing a loved one all too well.

“It’s all right,” Ria replied, her smile still warm. “John and I made the most of the time we were allotted. I still miss him, but I know my life is richer for John having been in it.”

“I admire your fortitude.” He wasn’t sure if his life was richer for having met Beth; on the contrary, their brief time together mostly left him with feelings of sorrow.

Ria saw the sadness in Jarrod’s eyes and, wondering but not wanting to pry, decided to change the subject. “So how did you get caught in this storm?”

Jarrod shrugged. “Bad luck, mostly. A landslide destroyed the tracks and the train was going to be delayed for at least a week. Instead of missing my sister’s birthday, I chose to try and make it to the next station on horseback.” He gave a small chuckle. “Didn’t quite work out.”

Ria smiled into her coffee cup. “Well, I’m glad you showed up on my doorstep. It’s nice to have some company. You have a sister at home?”

“My mother, brothers, and a sister,” Jarrod clarified. “I hope they’re not too worried.”

“No wife?” As soon as she said it, that haunted look returned to Jarrod’s eyes and Ria wished she could take the words back. “I’m sorry,” she retracted hastily, “I shouldn’t pry.”

“No, it’s okay. My wife, Beth, died about eight months ago.”

Ria could tell he didn’t want to talk about it and just placed a comforting hand on his before bringing the coffeepot back over. “More coffee?”

Jarrod nodded. “Your coffee is excellent,” he complimented her.

“Thank you,” Ria said with a pretty smile. “If you don’t mind, I should get back to my baking.”

“Not at all.” Jarrod continued eating while Ria finished shaping the bread she was working on.

Ria reflected it was nice to have someone to talk to and considering that someone was a personable, attractive man just made it doubly pleasant. She had friends in town, in fact, was on friendly terms with just about everyone in the area, but with the rain, Ria had felt a bit isolated over the past few days.

“So where is your home?” Ria asked as she placed the finished loaves in the oven.

Jarrod pushed back from the table, having made short work of the delicious meal. “Stockton,” he answered.

“Stockton?” Ria wiped her floury hands clean on her apron. “That’s quite a ways,” she commented as she cleared the dishes.

“Let me help you with that,” Jarrod offered, but Ria shooed him away. “There must be something I can do for you around here to repay your kindness,” he insisted.

Ria gave him an appraising look. “Well, what do you do?” she asked. “Maybe I can find something.”

Jarrod had to chuckle. “By profession, I’m a lawyer. But if you don’t happen to have any legal matters that need reviewing, I also grew up on a ranch. My parents taught us to be fairly self-sufficient.”

“No legal problems,” Ria answered with a laugh, “but there’s a whole basket of mending near the fire.” She raised an eyebrow as she waited for his response.

“Not quite that self-sufficient, I’m afraid,” he said, smiling at the banter.

Ria rinsed the last dish, set it aside and dried her hands on her apron. “I hate to ask you to go back out into the rain, but if you wouldn’t mind…” Ria took a basket down from the shelf. “Could you make sure all the stock is taken care of and gather the eggs? The hens usually lay them in the straw in the corner of the barn. I have a slicker by the door.”

Jarrod tried not to sigh as he took the basket. As a child, collecting eggs had been one of his chores and it ranked on the top of Jarrod’s list of most hated tasks. He was sure nothing could be worse than fending off irascible hens. “It would be my pleasure,” Jarrod said before heading back outside.


	2. Chapter 2

Ria busied herself putting together some apple pies while Jarrod took care of the stock. She enjoyed cooking, baking for the hotel in town and a couple local bachelors and she liked it even better when she had someone to cook for. Ria made a mental note to talk to her friend Sally at the hotel. The proprietor of the hotel café must be wanting to go visit her son and new grandbaby; Ria would be happy to look after the restaurant as well as take care of the books while she was gone.

“I think the rain might be letting up,” Jarrod announced when he returned, removed the slicker and handed the basket of eggs to Ria. “I’ll get going as soon as it stops. I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.”

“Nonsense.” Ria placed the basket on the pantry shelf. “It’ll be night soon and I don’t want to have saved you from this storm only to have you get lost in the dark.” Ria placed a cup of steaming coffee on the table. “Now have a seat. You could probably use this to warm up again.”

Jarrod acquiesced and sat at the table. Having grown up under the rule of a stubborn female and helping to raise another one, he knew when to give in gracefully. Besides, he really wasn’t in a hurry to continue riding right away. The food was good, the house warm and snug, and Jarrod had to admit he was finding the company extremely pleasant. An evening in the presence of the lovely Ria Andrews was a very appealing prospect.

Ria settled herself in the rocking chair and picked up the basket of mending. “Please make yourself at home,” she invited. “I have a few books over on the shelf. Maybe you’ll find something you’d like to read.”

Jarrod perused the titles on the bookshelf. The books had obviously been gathered by a woman, with authors like Alcott, Scott, and the inevitable Jane Austen, but there were also a few surprises, like a collection of Shakespeare and some works by Mary Shelley.

“Quite an impressive collection,” Jarrod commented as he selected the copy of _The Last Man_.

Ria smiled and blushed a little at the compliment. “I love to read,” she admitted. “Mama was a teacher before she came west and made sure I got an education. I was always surrounded by books, even though this place has never been big enough to support a school.”

“You grew up here?” Jarrod took the opening to find out more about Ria’s life.

She nodded as she threaded her needle and started darning the stocking in her lap. “Lived here my whole life. My parents ran a small freight business, taking the produce from the local farms to market and bringing in those things that we can’t supply ourselves. When I was old enough, I took over keeping the accounts.” Ria got a faraway look in her eyes, the look of someone with a pleasant memory. “That’s how I met my husband. John started driving for my father to save up to buy this farm, and, well, one thing led to another and eventually we married.” Ria bit off the end of her thread and pulled another garment from the basket. “They were killed in a wagon accident. John was driving, Mama and Papa were with him, and somehow the wagon went off the road and overturned.”

Ria blinked to keep a tear back and shook her head. What was she doing, telling a virtual stranger her life story? But something about Jarrod Barkley put her at ease. And the feeling she got when she met his blue eyes was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. “Not a very exciting life, I’m afraid,” she finished hastily.

“You’ve certainly made a comfortable home,” Jarrod observed and their eyes met again as Ria returned his smile.

Jarrod told himself he didn’t feel anything for the pretty blonde other than gratitude for her hospitality. After Beth, Jarrod didn’t ever want to experience that depth of loss and despair again and wasn’t sure what he would do when society dictated he should be done mourning. But he couldn’t stop taking small glances when he thought Ria wasn’t looking.

Before long, Jarrod was suddenly overcome with a huge yawn.

Ria smiled. “I only have one bed, in the other room, but you’re welcome to it,” she offered.

“I wouldn’t dream of putting a lady out of her own room,” Jarrod assured with a smile. “If you have a couple spare blankets, I’ll be fine bunking down here in front of the fire.”

“Of course.” Ria went to the wardrobe in the bedroom and returned with several wool blankets and an extra pillow.

“Will you need anything else?”

Jarrod couldn’t help thinking how he had smiled more in the past half hour than in the past few months. “This is more than a cold, wayward traveler could expect.”

“Well, good night, then, Jarrod.”

“Sweet dreams, Ria.”

\----------------------

Ria awoke to an unfamiliar sound in the middle of the night. Straining to hear, she made out the voice of the man in the other room.

“No! I can’t…please don’t…Beth…”

The cry was anguished and, as Ria thought about the numerous times she had woken up in the night, crying after having to watch helplessly as the wagon flipped off the side of the road and killed John and her parents, she knew Jarrod must be having a nightmare about his wife’s death.

Quietly, Ria went out of her room and knelt down beside the restless form. Jarrod opened his eyes and sat up with a gasp.

“Are you all right?” Ria asked softly.

“Yes.” Jarrod blinked back the moisture from his eyes. “No… I don’t really know,” he finally confessed. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I’ve always found it helps to share your troubles.”

Jarrod shook his head. How could he explain to her the dreams of despair and madness Beth’s murder had driven him to? How could he tell a virtual stranger the recurring vision of trying to kill the man who shot his wife with his own bare hands? How could he tell her of the dream where he didn’t put down the gun, where he shot his own brother who was only trying to help?

Ria put an arm around him and moved closer, trying to bring some sense of comfort. Her body felt so soft and warm that when Ria’s soft blue eyes met his, Jarrod gave in to the moment, to the need for a balm for the loneliness and pain and kissed her tenderly on the lips. He felt her kiss him back and pulled her closer. It had been so long…

“Ria,” Jarrod whispered, trying to regain some measure of control when their lips parted, “I shouldn’t take advantage of you this way.”

“Or let me take advantage of you?” Ria murmured back, sliding her arms around his waist. “It’s been so long, Jarrod,” she told him, echoing his own thoughts. Her lips met his again and Jarrod surrendered, laying Ria down on the blankets in the glow of the fire’s dying embers.

____________

 

Ria woke early the next morning and closed her eyes again briefly, appreciating the warm body next to hers. Certainly not something she ever thought she would do, spending the night in the arms of a man she’d just met, but Ria couldn’t bring herself to regret a moment of that night. She quietly slipped out from the blankets, not wanting to disturb Jarrod’s sleep, and went to the bedroom to get dressed.

The sun was peeking over the horizon and bathed the sky in a glorious riot of colours as she got ready for the day. The rain must have stopped overnight, which meant Jarrod would be on his way that morning. Ria told herself it was all for the best, that if he stayed any longer, she would never want him to leave and despite what they had shared and as amazing as he made her feel last night, they were still strangers from two different worlds.

When she returned, Ria found Jarrod folding the blankets.

“I see the rain has stopped.” Jarrod met her eyes, his expression hard to read.

“It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day,” she replied. They stood awkwardly for a moment.

“I guess I should be heading out,” Jarrod finally said.

“Jarrod, surely you’ll stay for breakfast.” Even though she had been telling herself it would be best for him to go, Ria found she didn’t want to say goodbye to the handsome attorney quite yet.

Jarrod shook his head. “I’d like to send a telegram to my family as soon as I can. I’m sure they’re worried.”

“Of course,” Ria said, nodding. “Carter’s Crossing’s only a few miles down the road.” She desperately wanted to say something else, but wasn’t sure what.

Jarrod came up to her and placed a gentle hand on her cheek. “Ria, about last night…”

Ria covered his hand with her own. “Jarrod, you don’t need to say anything.”

“But I do, Ria,” Jarrod insisted. “If there’s a child…”

Ria cut him off with a shake of her head and a sad smile. “John and I were married for three years, Jarrod, and there was never any sign. I don’t think you have to worry.”

But Jarrod was adamant. “If there is, promise me you’ll let me know. I wouldn’t want…” He paused to collect himself. “I wouldn’t want to leave a child to grow up without its father.”

Ria could see how much her promise meant to Jarrod. And why would she keep something like that from him anyway? “All right, Jarrod,” Ria consented, unable to deny the burning intensity in those blue eyes, “I promise.”

Jarrod leaned over, kissed her briefly and then went to the barn to saddle his horse. Ria waited on the porch and raised her hand goodbye as Jarrod rode off down the road.


	3. Chapter 3

_Jarrod Barkley  
Stockton, California_

There, it was done. Ria put a hand to her belly, feeling the subtle movement before she slipped the letter into the addressed envelope. She’d lost track of how many attempts she made to put pen to paper and how many times the words just wouldn’t come. Such an easy promise to make when she thought there was little chance, but when it came right down to it, writing to tell a man she’d known only briefly that he was the father of her baby was not so easy. Ria was reluctant for Jarrod to tie himself to her out of obligation, because he felt he needed to provide for his child. Especially when he had his own life far away from hers.

But she knew what he told her was true, a baby needed its father, and Ria tucked the letter into her purse and went outside to hitch up the wagon. Maybe she’d stay and have dinner in town with Sally. And maybe this time she’d let her friend talk her into renting out her place and moving into town. Sally was right, even the few miles she was out of town was probably too far away for a woman to be on her own with a baby on the way.

Ria smiled at the thought of her friend, all her friends, really, and how they’d supported her when they found out her condition. Oh, there was the inevitable tongue wagging and sidelong glances from those who had nothing better to do, but a mistake was just that, a mistake, and Rev. Shaunessy assured her that a baby was one of God’s miracles and that He forgave all transgressions and understood what was in her heart.

Ria looked to the road at the sound of hoofbeats. It couldn’t be. She rubbed her eyes, but the rider’s appearance didn’t change. The last person she expected to see this day was riding up the lane toward her.

Yes, God did work in mysterious ways and Ria was sure the stunned expression on Jarrod Barkley’s face as he dismounted from his horse was a mirror to her own. She forced herself to smile through her shock and retrieved the letter out of her purse.

“You just saved me the cost of a stamp.”

\--------------------------

Over the past few months, Jarrod’s thoughts kept returning to the little farmhouse in the rain and Ria Andrews. In spite of his decision to not open his heart to love again, he often wondered how she was. He was surprised how much of an impression she’d made on him in such a short time and considered writing, but every time he started, the usually eloquent lawyer wasn’t sure what to say. So when the family was approached with a proposal to purchase a small silver mine less than a day’s ride from Carter’s Crossing, Jarrod quickly offered to make the trip and look the mine over.

The trip was a successful one, the mine being well-run with many years of production left. After signing the purchase agreement, Jarrod borrowed a horse and set off. He was looking forward to seeing Ria again and clucked his horse a little faster when he drew nearer. He saw the house first, and then the wagon.

Then he saw Ria and the unmistakable bulge of her belly under the loose-fitting shirt. A myriad of thoughts swirled through his mind.

Why hadn’t she told him? Was she ever planning on telling him? And now that he knew, could he bring himself to do the right thing?

Jarrod dismounted slowly as Ria approached and pulled an envelope from her bag.

“You just saved me the cost of a stamp.”

Jarrod tore his eyes away from Ria’s expanded waistline and looked her in the face. Her expression was a mixture of guilt and hope, of optimism and sadness. “Ria…” he started, unsure how to finish. “You promised you’d tell me.”

Ria gazed down at her feet. “I’m sorry, Jarrod. I tried to write before, I just couldn’t find the words.” She caught his eyes again and held the letter out to him. “I was on my way to town to mail it.”

Jarrod turned the envelope over in his hands, reading his name carefully written on the front. He thought back to how he felt when Heath came into their lives. The dismay and anger Jarrod had toward his father for leaving Heath and his mother alone was still there, and he knew he had no choice, he had to do what he swore he’d never do again. “I want you to marry me, Ria.”

Ria was aware it had been coming. She knew Jarrod would offer to marry her and knew deep down she’d agree and have to leave this place where she’d lived all her life. But she had to make an attempt to talk him out of it just the same, not wanting him to feel trapped. “You don’t have to do that, Jarrod.” Ria gave him a determined smile. “I own this house, I have savings from when I sold my parents’ freight business, and money comes in from the work I do for the hotel and the baking I sell. We’ll be fine.”

Jarrod took her hand in his, unable to help a smile at her determination. “I don’t doubt that for a moment, Ria. But I told you before, I don’t think a child should have to grow up without a father.” His voice carried a tone of unshakable conviction. He didn’t really want to remarry, but wasn’t going to let an innocent suffer for his moment of indiscretion. “And I want to be there when my child grows up.”

Ria nodded. “It’s not about us at all, is it?” It wasn’t really a question.

Jarrod wrapped his arms around her and held the mother of his child close. “It’ll be all right, Ria,” he said quietly. “I’ll take care of you, both of you. I promise.”

Ria rested her head on his chest and found courage in the strength she sensed. She didn’t know him well, but still felt safe and secure in the arms of her husband-to-be. They stayed that way for a long moment, until Ria felt the baby do a backflip and Jarrod stepped back, startled.

“I think he’s just saying hello to his daddy,” she said with a smile. Jarrod laid a tentative hand on her belly and Ria covered it with her own before meeting Jarrod’s eyes. “I should go inside and pack. I’m assuming you weren’t planning on staying here.” A startled look crossed Jarrod’s face and it was plain to see he hadn’t thought out all the implications.

“I never wanted to drag you away from your home like this,” he apologized.

“It’s not about us, remember?” Ria said stoically, trying to mask the pang of sadness she felt at having to leave the home she’d lived in for so long. “And it would be rather hard for you to support your wife and child this far away from your law practice.”

Jarrod put an arm around her waist as they slowly walked to the house. “But we don’t have to leave right this minute.”

Ria paused before opening the door. “I know, but more time won’t make it any easier, Jarrod. Let’s just get this done.”

A few photographs and books, some clothing, the quilt her mother gave her on her first wedding day, the silver clock that belonged to her grandmother carefully wrapped and placed in the chest. There wasn’t much to pack, but it was still late when they finished. They decided to spend the night and head into town early the next morning, Jarrod opting to sleep on the floor.

“We’re not quite married yet,” he told Ria in a light-hearted tone, and she was grateful he was able keep his sense of humour.

Ria spent a restless night, thoughts of the life she was leaving behind and the unknown in front of her keeping sleep at bay. Jarrod loaded Ria’s trunks into the wagon the next morning as she gazed around her home. She’d leave the furniture for the next occupants; Jarrod assured her they wouldn’t need it when they got to Stockton.

Jarrod came back in the room and looked at the house he’d found so welcoming six months before. “Are you sure you don’t want to take anything else?”

Ria took another quick glance and shook her head. “No. When we get to town, I’ll give the keys to a friend so she can look after the place until I decide what to do with it.” She closed her eyes and willed the tears to stay away, then turned and walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Ria instructed Jarrod to pull up at the hotel when they reached the small town. There wasn’t much activity that early in the morning and the only person to be seen on the town’s main street was a woman sweeping off the steps in front of the hotel.

“Ria!” she called cheerily. “What are you doing in town so early?”

Jarrod helped Ria out of the wagon as the dark haired woman approached and eyed him skeptically.

“Good morning, Sally,” Ria greeted in return. She didn’t miss the older woman’s appraisal of her companion and knew what her friend was thinking. Many times since she found out about Ria’s condition, Sally had berated the perfidy of men and just as many times Ria had to remind her that she was just as responsible as the baby’s father for her predicament.

“Sally,” Ria said, confirming to her friend this was the man she thought he was, “this is Jarrod Barkley. Jarrod, this is my good friend Sally Parker. She owns the hotel and restaurant here in town.”

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Parker,” Jarrod said with a tip of his hat and a charming smile.

“Hmph.” Sally crossed her arms and continued to regard Jarrod frostily. “I certainly hope you’ve come here to do right by Ria, Mr. Barkley,” she stated brusquely.

Ria smiled at her friend’s forthright manner as Jarrod pledged, “Rest assured, Miss Parker, I plan to marry her as soon as we find the reverend.”

Sally’s rigid stance relaxed and her expression softened when she saw Jarrod take Ria’s hand and kiss it. “Well, better late than never, I suppose.” She leaned her broom against the wall and glanced down at herself. “Oh, heavens!” she exclaimed. “I’m simply not dressed to attend a wedding. I’ll just run in and find my hat and take off this apron and I’ll meet you at Rev. Shaunessy’s. Don’t start without me!” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared inside the front door of the hotel.

Jarrod chuckled. “For a moment there, I thought she might take that broom to me. Do you think she’ll come back with a shotgun?”

Ria joined him with a laugh of her own. “Why, do you think she needs one?” she teased Jarrod, putting her hand on his arm. “Maybe we should head to the reverend’s, just in case. He lives at the end of the street.”

Jarrod and Ria walked slowly down the sidewalk until they reached the small whitewashed house situated beside an equally small church. Jarrod opened the gate in the tidy picket fence and ushered Ria through.

Ria took a deep breath before knocking and glanced up at Jarrod. He smiled at her, but Ria could see a hint of unease in his eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, giving him one last chance at retaining his freedom.

“Ria, we need to do this,” was the response she expected and received, and Ria mustered her resolve and rapped on the door.

A petite red-haired woman answered the door a moment later. “Ria, child, how lovely to see you. Come in, come in.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Shaunessy.” Ria and Jarrod entered the house, closing the door behind them. “Is your husband home?”

“Aye, he’s just out in the garden,” the reverend’s wife answered and looked knowingly from Ria to Jarrod and back again. “I take it you’ll be needing his services?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jarrod replied, “if we’re not intruding.”

Mrs. Shaunessey gave him a warm smile. “Not at all. You just make yourselves comfortable in the parlour,” she gestured to the comfortable-looking room to the right of the door, “and my husband will be straight in from cleaning up.” She started to the back of the house, before turning back. “You’ve let Sally know, have you, Ria? I don’t want to have her wrath fall on me if she misses your wedding.”

“She’s on her way,” Ria confirmed and Mrs. Shaunessey went to find her husband.

Ria sat on the sofa and Jarrod wandered around the room, looking at but not really seeing the framed pictures and samplers on the walls. He hoped he could be a good husband to Ria and that they’d be happy even if they didn’t love each other. Jarrod thought back to a day over a year ago when he stood in the Denver courthouse and pledged his love and fidelity to Beth, ‘until death do us part’, never realizing how soon that would be. Now here he was again, about to be married to a woman he’d known only briefly, but bound this time by necessity instead of love.

The door opened and pulled Jarrod out of his reverie. Sally rushed in, apron removed and the promised hat perched jauntily atop her brown curls. “Oh, good, I’m not too late!” she exclaimed as Mrs. Shaunessey returned with her husband in tow.

“Ah, Ria, lass, I understand congratulations be in order,” the reverend said, giving Ria a kiss on the cheek and extending a hand to Jarrod. “Rev. Michael Shaunessey.”

Jarrod shook the proffered hand. “Jarrod Barkley, Reverend. I hope we haven’t come at an awkward time.”

“No apologies, lad. For doesn’t the Good Book say, *‘To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven’?” He bestowed a gentle smile on Jarrod and Ria. “Now, since ‘tis past time for the two of you to be wed, is there anything you’d like to say before I start?”

Ria and Jarrod both shook their heads and Rev. Shaunessey performed the simple ceremony witnessed by his wife and Sally. Jarrod gave Ria a brief kiss when they were pronounced ‘man and wife’ and Sally wiped a tear off her cheek.

“That was lovely,” she sniffed and Ria smiled at her friend’s theatrics. “Now you simply must come over to the hotel. It doesn’t exactly have a honeymoon suite, but---”

Ria cut her off. “Sally, we can’t stay. Jarrod needs to get back and the nearest train to Stockton is still a few hours away.”

Sally opened her mouth to argue, but Ria shook her head. “It’s for the best, Sally. I promise I’ll keep in touch.” She pulled a key out of her pocket and handed it to the other woman. “And I need you to look after the house until I decide if I should sell it.”

Sally sighed. “You’ve been a good friend all these years, Ria, but you’re right, it is for the best.” She turned a stern glare on Jarrod. “Now, Mr. Barkley, you’d better treat this girl right or you’ll be answering to me and all the other good people of this town, is that understood?”

“Explicitly,” Jarrod replied with a chuckle. “I promise she’ll be cared for as befits the special lady she is.”

Jarrod paid the reverend for his services and Mrs. Shaunessey embraced Ria.

“You be taking care of yourself and the wee one,” she admonished, “and don’t forget to write.”

Ria nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat as they took their leave. Sally accompanied them back to the wagon and gave Ria a farewell hug of her own.

“Safe journey, Ria. Don’t be a stranger.”

\-----

Jarrod and Ria arrived at the depot with about fifteen minutes until the train arrived. Making sure his new wife was settled on a bench, Jarrod proceeded inside to purchase the tickets and see if he could arrange with the stationmaster to sell Ria’s wagon and team at her suggestion.

The smoke from the engine was already visible when he returned to find Ria’s complexion very pale and her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Jarrod quickly sat beside her, concerned.

“What is it, Ria? Are you all right? Is it the baby?”

Ria managed a tight smile. “I’m fine, Jarrod. It’s nothing, really.” She stared at her trembling hands and Jarrod was worried she was going to be sick, or faint, or both. He put his arm around her shoulders.

“Ria, tell me. I don’t know if there’s a doctor nearby, but I can go ask.”

Ria shook her head. “I don’t need a doctor. It’s just…” She paused and Jarrod gave her a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll laugh,” she finished quietly.

Jarrod cupped her chin in his hand and turned her head so she would meet his eyes. “I promise I won’t laugh,” he assured her, wondering what the trouble was. “Tell me.”

“I’ve never been on a train before.”

“Ria, I can barely hear you.” Her words were so quiet, Jarrod was positive he hadn’t heard right. “I thought you said you’ve never been on a train.”

Ria shook her head and her trembling grew worse as the sound of the engine reached their ears. “When I said I’ve lived my whole life in Carter’s Crossing, I meant I’ve never left.” Her eyes were bright with anxiety. “I know it’s silly, people ride on trains all the time, but…”

Jarrod held her close and felt her tense as the engine came to a stop and let off a deafening whoosh of steam. Being too loud for her to hear any words of reassurance, he just pressed his lips to her temple and rubbed her back, hoping that would give her some comfort. Train travel was a part of his life that Jarrod took for granted and he felt a pang of regret at the circumstances that forced him to tear this sweet woman away from everything she’d ever known.

“It’ll be all right,” he said, helping her to her feet as the conductor approached them. He showed the man their tickets and the stationmaster came over to help with Ria’s trunks. Jarrod kept a supportive arm around her waist as he helped Ria into the carriage and settled her in a seat.

He took her hand in his and held it, trying to reduce her anxiety. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Ria shook her head and smiled wanly. “I was embarrassed, I guess. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous.” She jumped as the train lurched and tried not to look out the window as it picked up speed. “Talk to me, Jarrod. Maybe if I don’t think about it, I’ll relax. Why don’t you tell me about your family?”

Jarrod saw the wisdom in that and considered where to begin. “Well, I have three brothers and a sister, but you may not get a chance to meet my youngest brother, Eugene, for quite a while. He went overseas to study medicine and ended up married to a lovely English girl. They live in London where he’s a physician at London University Hospital. But my other brothers, Nick and Heath, are in charge of our ranch.” He paused and wondered how much of Heath’s background to get into, considering the circumstance he and Ria were currently in. Feeling a bit like a coward for not wanting to talk about it, Jarrod decided to stick to the present for now.

“Heath’s the quiet one. He’s got a real knack with horses and I recommend you never play poker with him unless you feel the need to lighten your purse.”

Ria laughed at that and Jarrod was pleased to see her relaxing. “I don’t think that will be a problem,” she reassured him.

Jarrod continued. “And then there’s Nick. Loud, impatient, impulsive, but don’t let his brash demeanor fool you. He’s got the biggest, softest heart of anyone I’ve ever met and I think we’ll be hard pressed to keep him from spoiling his niece or nephew rotten.” He saw Ria relax further and even sneak a glance out the window. “My sister Audra’s the youngest, she turned twenty-two right about the time we met. She’s a bit of a social butterfly, but very dedicated to helping those less fortunate. If it’s something you want to do, she’d be thrilled to have you help out at the orphanage.”

“And your mother?” Ria wanted to know. Jarrod saw the nervous look return and knew this time it wasn’t because of the train. “Do you think she’ll be upset because of…” Ria trailed off, glancing down at her big belly.

“She’ll adore you, Ria,” Jarrod said with certainty. “My mother’s not the sort to judge someone by a single indiscretion. Now, me, on the other hand…” He shook his head ruefully. “If I’m lucky I’ll get off with just a lecture. If I’m not, she’ll get out her wooden spoon.” His attempt at humour wasn’t lost on Ria and she couldn’t help a giggle. Jarrod was happy Ria seemed more relaxed and was just thankful his mother hadn’t resorted to the wooden spoon in years, even though he was sure she’d be sorely tempted this time.

The trip was uneventful and by the end Ria started to enjoy watching the countryside speed past. So much had happened in such a short time, her head was still reeling. She had always strove to make the best of whatever life threw at her, but she did wish this time it hadn’t thrown so much her way all at once.

Ria glanced over at the man who was now her husband. She had already known a wonderful marriage to John, and even though this marriage was not one born of love, Ria realized it wouldn’t be hard for her to come to love Jarrod Barkley. She had no expectation that he would love her as well, but Jarrod had been so kind, so understanding, she just prayed he wouldn’t come to resent her presence in his life.

The train arrived in Stockton a little before dinnertime. Ria stared wide-eyed at the bustle of the growing town and held Jarrod’s arm tightly, having never seen so many people at one time before. She thought reading about cities like London and New York would prepare her for a place like Stockton, but Ria was coming to understand reading and reality were two separate things. She was glad when Jarrod hired a buckboard and they headed out of town toward the ranch that was to become her new home.

 

 _*Ecclesiastes 3:1_


	5. Chapter 5

The fluttery feeling in Ria’s stomach intensified as they drew closer to Jarrod’s family home and she didn’t think she could blame it all on the movements of the baby inside her. Not to say it wasn’t active, quite the contrary, but her insides were doing backflips without any extra help. And when she saw the enormity of the white mansion Jarrod pulled up in front of, Ria grew almost as nervous as she had when she first saw the train.

“This is your home?” she managed to get out.

Jarrod nodded and corrected gently as he took her hand, “Our home.” He got down from the seat and lifted Ria to the ground. Ria gulped. She knew the Barkleys were successful from the newspapers, but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined something so grand as this. Stunned, she let Jarrod lead her onto the verandah and through the front door.

Ria stood stock still in the entrance, trying so hard to absorb the signs of wealth surrounding her that she didn’t hear the swish of skirts that heralded another’s entrance until she heard the greeting.

“Jarrod, welcome home. How was your trip?”

As Jarrod answered, Ria’s eyes turned to see a silver-haired woman, stylishly dressed in yellow silk. Ria would have known this to be Jarrod’s mother even without hearing him address her as such and barely even registered the petite stature, so large was the other woman’s presence. She knew her own clothes were well-made and of good fabric, but she still felt shabby and ungainly next to all that elegance.

“And I assume you’re gong to introduce me to your guest.” The voice was pleasant, but the underlying tone was a command, not a request.

Jarrod took Ria by the hand and gave her a look designed to reassure. “She’s not a guest, Mother. This is my wife, Ariana. Ria, this is my mother, Victoria Barkley.”

Ria tried to smile without revealing how nervous she was. “I’m pleased to meet you, Mrs. Barkley,” she said softly. “Jarrod’s told me so much about you.”

Victoria quickly covered up her shock with a gracious smile. “I wish I could say he’s told me about you, my dear. Welcome to our family.” She took her daughter-in-law’s hand and noticed how cold it was and how pale and anxious the young woman looked. Victoria had many questions, but could tell Jarrod’s obviously pregnant new wife was near the end of her endurance and decided to take care of the expectant mother’s needs first. She’d deal with her son later.

“You must be very tired from your trip. Come with me and I’ll show you to your room where you can rest. Jarrod, I assume you’ll bring your wife’s things up right away.” Victoria’s tone to her son was brusque as she guided Ria to the stairs and started up without waiting for a response. She led Ria to Jarrod’s room, opened the door and ushered the young woman inside.

“Mrs. Barkley, I should explain—” Ria started, but Victoria cut her off with a gentle smile.

“First, you must call me Victoria. You’re a member of the family now and no one in my family addresses me as Mrs. Barkley. And second, you have no need to explain. Jarrod can and will do that for both of you.” Victoria felt a rush of sympathy for her new daughter-in-law, thrust into what must be an uncomfortable situation for the young woman. Deciding that Ria didn’t need the exuberance of the full Barkley clan if she didn’t feel up to it quite yet, Victoria said reassuringly, “Now dinner is in half an hour, but I’m sure you’ve had a long trip. I’d be more than happy to have something sent up for you if you’d rather not come down.”

Ria nodded. “That would be very kind, Mrs. Bar-- I mean, Victoria,” she corrected hastily.

Victoria gave Ria’s hand a comforting pat. “You are very welcome here, dear. Please know that this is your home, too.”

Jarrod entered with some luggage. Victoria picked up her skirt and proceeded to leave the room. “I’ll just leave you two alone. Jarrod, as soon as you get your wife settled, I expect you to meet me in the parlour.” She gave her eldest a severe look before closing the door behind her.

“You look exhausted, Ria,” Jarrod told her as he guided her to the bed and sat her down. “Why don’t you lie down for a rest?”

“I think I will,” Ria agreed and thought of the formidable woman she’d just met. “And you’d better go talk to your mother. I get the feeling if you wait too long, she might just pull out that wooden spoon.”

Jarrod chuckled. “You may be right. Don’t hesitate to call if you need something. I’ll be back up as soon as I can.”

Ria watched as he left then looked around the room. It was just like Jarrod himself, dark, warm and very masculine. She itched to explore the titles of the books in the bookshelf against one wall, but the mattress she sat on was too soft and inviting. Jarrod was right; she was exhausted. Ria lay down, intending to close her eyes for just a moment, and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

 

Jarrod walked into the parlour where his mother was sitting in a deceptively casual manner. He had a sudden surge of compassion for the witnesses he cross-examined in the courtroom as he went to pour himself a drink.

“A sherry, Mother?” he asked, trying to prolong the inevitable.

“Oh, I think I feel the need for something stronger, Jarrod,” came her reply.

Jarrod gave a deep sigh as he poured his mother’s drink. No, he was definitely not looking forward to this. He handed her the glass and then sat back against the edge of the table opposite her.

“Mother—” he started, but Victoria cut him off with an upraised hand.

“Jarrod, it’s fairly obvious what went on between the two of you and although I’m disappointed that you ended up in this situation, I never doubted you would do the right thing.” She took a drink, set down her glass and looked up at Jarrod’s blue eyes. His expression was full of remorse and maybe a touch of anxiety at what her reaction would be. It was the same look he had as a little boy when she had to take him to task for one of his infrequent transgressions. But now he was a grown man and this was much more serious than taking his pony out without permission.

“Why don’t you start with how you and Ria met.”

That request brought a small smile to Jarrod’s face and he related the tale of trying to make it home, only to be taken in by a lovely young widow after getting caught in a storm.

As Jarrod told his story, Victoria walked over to stand beside her son. He was always the most responsible of her children and she knew he took his position as Pappy seriously. She also knew it was hard for him to unburden himself to any of his family as they did to him. Victoria saw him broken at the death of his wife Beth and was afraid he still wasn’t completely over it. Over her loss, possibly, but not over the shame he felt when his primal need for vengeance led him to hunt down Beth’s killer. The family avoided talking about it, not wanting to see the haunted expression that came over Jarrod at any mention of that time, but Victoria knew she had to bring it up now. The affection in his expression when he talked about Ria was promising and she didn’t want his continued anguish over what happened with Beth to prevent him from finding happiness with the woman now his wife.

“How are you feeling about this, sweetheart?” she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. “I know this past year has been hard on you since Beth left us.” She could feel his muscles tense under her hand. “If you need to talk…”

Jarrod stood abruptly and moved to stand in front of the fireplace. “This isn’t about my feelings, it’s about that innocent baby. I’m not about to shirk my responsibility and I intend to give my child everything life has to offer.”

Victoria wanted to hold him, to comfort her first-born, but held back, knowing Jarrod’s need to deal with his emotions on his own. But she still had to say something. “That baby deserves a happy home, with a happy mother and father who at least care for each other.”

Jarrod didn’t move for a long moment, then turned and gave his mother a warm hug. “I do care for her, Mother,” he assured her. “Ria is a lovely and lovable young woman and I know she’ll be a wonderful mother to our child.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “And I think I should go check on her. She’s had a hard day.” Jarrod headed for the stairs, forestalling any further conversation. His reaction to Beth’s murder still frightened him and he didn’t intend to risk feeling that way ever again, but his mother was right and he hoped he’d be able do what was necessary to make Ria happy.

Jarrod opened the door to his room and found Ria curled up on the edge of the bed, fast asleep. He smiled when he saw she hadn’t even bothered to take off her shoes. Carefully, so he wouldn’t wake her, he eased the shoes off her feet and placed them at the foot of the bed before covering her with a blanket. Then he just stood and watched her sleep. She looked so small, so fragile, the appearance so at odds with the strong woman he was finding her to be, that the armour Jarrod placed around his heart started to crack. Ria deserved everything that life had to offer as well and he vowed to himself that he would do his best to give it to her as well as to his unborn child.

\----------------

Ria woke slowly and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkened room. She wasn’t sure exactly where she was for a moment before she heard the sound of deep breathing. Ria rolled over carefully and smiled at the sight of Jarrod sleeping soundly. She was at the Barkley Ranch and this was her husband, lying beside her.

Ria’s stomach rumbled and the baby squirmed and stretched. Feeling a bit guilty at sleeping through dinner, Ria got up and quietly left the room without bothering to put on the shoes she couldn’t seem to remember taking off.

Making it to the bottom of the stairs, she hesitated in the darkened house and tried to decide which way the kitchen might be. She supposed she could go back upstairs and wake Jarrod, but she really didn’t want to disturb him. Figuring most houses had the kitchen at the back, Ria turned right through the large open doorway and, seeing a faint light under the door, turned right again. Her assumption was correct and she found herself in a large, well-equipped kitchen.

Wondering where to start putting together a small midnight supper, Ria jumped at the sound of the back door opening. She turned to find a tall, well-built blond man wearing tan pants and a blue shirt standing in the doorway. He looked almost as surprised as she felt.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, “I didn’t expect to find anyone up at this hour.”

The blond gave her a charming lopsided grin. “You wouldn’t usually.” He held out his hand. “You must be Ria. I’m Heath, one of Jarrod’s brothers.”

Ria clasped his hand in greeting and wondered exactly what Jarrod had told his family about her while she was sleeping. “It’s nice to meet you, Heath.”

Heath went to the sideboard and pulled out two plates. “You must be hungry after sleeping through dinner like that.”

Ria blushed. “I don’t usually do that sort of thing,” she protested, but relaxed at Heath’s easy smile.

“Reckon you got cause,” he replied as he continued to set out a loaf of bread, some cheese and meat and a jug of milk. Ria blushed again and her hand went self-consciously to her belly.

“So you’re not usually up this late?” she asked in a bid to redirect the conversation.

Heath pulled out a chair for her and Ria sat, smiling her thank-you as he sat next to her.

“One of the mares is about to foal. She had a bit of trouble last time, so I wanted to keep an eye on her.” Heath quickly made a couple sandwiches and handed one to Ria before he started eating. She took a bite, enjoying the bread that was almost as good as hers.

Heath quietly watched his sister-in-law. When Jarrod informed them over dinner that his new wife was carrying his child, Heath wasn’t sure how to feel about his big brother. He was disappointed, expecting more out of the highly principled lawyer, but at least Jarrod stepped up and acknowledged his responsibility. And now that they were here, Ria and her baby would have a good home with the Barkleys and Heath vowed that he’d do his best to ensure it was a happy one, too.

They finished their meal quietly, Heath glad that Ria didn’t seem to be the type who needed to fill a silence with endless chatter. He cleared the table with his customary efficiency and then gave Ria another smile.

“Nice to meet you, Ria,” he told her as he left the house, “welcome to the family.”

Ria sat at the table for a couple minutes before going over to the sink to start washing up. She didn’t feel like going back to bed quite yet and the familiar task helped her put her thoughts in order.

Jarrod was right; his mother hadn’t judged her and if Heath was any indication, the rest of the family accepted her marriage to Jarrod as well. She carefully wiped the dishes and set them beside the sink. Her new life was going to take some getting used to, but as she made her way back upstairs, Ria thought maybe it wasn’t going to be as hard as she originally feared.


	6. Chapter 6

When Ria awoke the next morning, the bed beside her was empty. She checked the clock on the mantel and was surprised to see it was well past eight o’clock. Sleeping through dinner last night and now probably breakfast this morning, Ria hoped Jarrod’s family wouldn’t think her inexcusably rude.

Ria quickly found some clean clothes and was almost dressed when her eyes caught a framed picture sitting on a small table. Walking over, she picked it up. It was a portrait of Jarrod, dressed in a dark suit and tie, standing beside a thin-faced woman with a kind smile. The woman was wearing a hat with a short lace veil and Ria realized she was looking at what could only be a wedding photograph. Despite the stiffness the formal portrait required, Ria could see the happiness in Jarrod’s expression.

Ria replaced the picture carefully and finished dressing. She hoped she would compare favorably to Jarrod’s departed wife and in spite of the welcome she received from Victoria and Heath, hoped the family wouldn’t consider her a poor substitute. Ria didn’t know anything about the first Mrs. Jarrod Barkley other than the woman’s name was Beth and she had died a little over a year ago. Remembering the haunted look in Jarrod’s eyes when he’d briefly spoken of her, his new wife wasn’t sure if she wanted to know more or not.

Occupied with her thoughts, Ria ventured out and walked quietly down the stairs. She found Victoria at the small secretary, going through correspondence.

The Barkley matriarch looked up as she heard Ria’s hesitant footsteps. “Good morning, Ria,” she greeted. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yes, thank you,” Ria replied, unsure of what to say next. Victoria perceived her uncertainty, went over to Ria and took her hand.

“You must be starving, my dear,” she said matter-of-factly. “Why don’t we head into the kitchen and have Silas fix you something to eat?”

Ria wondered if Silas was an employee of the family as she followed Victoria. The house was certainly big enough to support an army of domestic staff. Sure enough, an older black man dressed in a spotless white coat was in the kitchen, cleaning up after what appeared to be a large breakfast.

He looked up from his task. “Can I help you, Missus Barkley?” he asked and when he saw Ria, his face broke out in a wide smile. “Good morning, Missus Ria,” he said when he noticed her, “and congratulations to you and Mr. Jarrod. If there’s anything you want, you be sure to ask. I’m Silas.”

“Thank you, Silas,” Ria answered quietly. “I’ll try not to be a bother.”

“Taking care of this family’s no bother,” he assured her. “Now, you’re sure to be hungry. I’ll fix you some breakfast.”

Victoria placed a hand on Ria’s arm. “When you’re finished, Ria, I was wondering if you’d like to go into town. Jarrod had to go to his office early, but he invited us to join him for lunch. And I’d like you to meet Dr. Merar. He’s our physician and I’m sure you’d like to see him before the baby comes.”

“That…sounds fine.” Ria wasn’t sure if she felt up to experiencing the busy town again so soon, but she could understand Victoria wanting her to meet the doctor. And how could she pass up a lunch invitation from Jarrod?

“Well, I’ll leave you to your breakfast and have Ciego hitch up the buggy.” Victoria’s skirts swished as she left and Ria marvelled at how easy she made it look.

Silas set a steaming plate of eggs and biscuits in front of Ria and pulled out a chair for her. “Now you tuck into that and just let me know if you want anything else.”

Ria ate her breakfast, enjoying the flaky biscuits. She was about to ask Silas if he would mind sharing his recipe, then stopped. There was no need, Silas was here to make them himself. In fact, this household seemed to have no need for her ability as a cook. Ria thanked the kindly man for breakfast and as she went back upstairs to get ready to go into town, she wondered what she was going to do with herself. Yes, she’d be busy once the baby came, but otherwise… Ria guessed she’d just have to follow the example of Jarrod’s mother and learn what was expected of her as the wife of the eldest son in such a wealthy family.

\------------

Jarrod rubbed his eyes as he took a break from the ledger sheets in front of him. His current client was being urged to buy into his brother-in-law’s business, but had a feeling something wasn’t right with the account books he was presented. Harv Anderton asked Jarrod to go over the contracts and the books to see if the intuitive lawyer could ferret out any reason for his unease before he made a decision.

Jarrod was about to get back to perusing the columns of numbers when he heard a welcome knock on the door. “Please come in,” he called, grateful for the interruption.

Victoria entered with Ria in tow. “I hope we’re not disturbing you.”

“Not at all,” Jarrod told them with a charming smile. He closed the ledger and walked over to take Ria’s hand. “I’m sorry I missed you this morning,” he apologized, “but I thought you needed your rest.”

“That’s okay,” Ria assured him. “I know you must be very busy.”

“But not too busy to take you two beautiful ladies to lunch.” Jarrod grabbed his hat and offered Ria his arm, which she took with a smile. “Now where shall we go?”

Victoria suggested the Stockton House and they managed to get the last table. Ria tried to ignore the stares and whispers as they were seated, but it was hard. It seemed like large and small towns had something in common and that was the speed gossip could travel. Her marriage to Jarrod was obviously already common knowledge and Ria could only imagine what was going through the minds of those who had never met her and saw her sitting there, so visibly with child. Back home, everyone already knew her and knew what kind of person she was and even then there were a few knowing glances and hushed whispers once her condition became obvious.

Ria took strength from the warm smile Victoria gave her and Jarrod’s gentle squeezing of her hand and determinedly studied the menu. The fascinating dishes listed made her forget the stares for a moment. Lobster bisque, spinach salad with avocados and sautéed prawns, things she’d never seen before.

“Do you see anything you’d like?” Jarrod asked.

Ria shook her head in bewilderment. “It all looks so good,” she confessed, “I don’t know where to start.”

“You could order them all,” he suggested with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I just might, unless you take pity on me and recommend something,” she teasingly shot back.

Victoria smiled at the easy manner between her son and his new wife. She’d only seen them together briefly when Jarrod brought Ria home the previous day and hadn’t been sure exactly what kind of relationship they had. Jarrod needed someone who could challenge him, someone strong he could turn to, someone to be a true partner in his life. Victoria didn’t know Ria well yet, but was hopeful. She had kept the conversation light on the drive into town, not wanting to appear the nosy mother-in-law but still wanting to get a sense of the woman who was to become the mother of her first grandchild. Talking to her new daughter-in-law, Ria gave Victoria the impression of a very capable young woman. She approved of the way Ria steadfastly tried to ignore the looks and sly mutters from the residents of Stockton and hoped the Barkley name would protect this new addition to her family. It certainly wasn’t unheard of for a marriage of necessity to turn into one of love. Maybe Jarrod and Ria would turn out to be two of the lucky ones.

*

On the way back to the ranch, Victoria felt Ria was comfortable enough with her to ask some of the more personal questions the Barkley matriarch had been wondering about.

“Jarrod hasn’t told us very much about you, Ria,” Victoria started. “He mentioned you were a widow, but nothing else about your family or where you come from.”

Ria shrugged and Victoria was glad she seemed at ease with the question. “That’s probably because there’s not much to tell. I grew up in a small town. My husband and parents were killed in an accident almost two years ago and I never had any brothers or sisters.”

“So you’ve been living alone?”

“Ever since my family died.” She smiled at Victoria. “Don’t get me wrong. I lived alone, but I wasn’t lonely with all the friends I have.”

Victoria gave her a reassuring glance. “Well, after you’ve settled in, I’ll introduce you to some of our friends and neighbours. Maybe we can even throw a party for you and Jarrod since everyone missed the wedding.”

“That’s not necessary,” Ria hastily demurred. The stares and whispers in the restaurant had been enough; Ria didn’t really want to be the sole focus of everyone’s attention quite yet. She felt a lump in her throat at the thought of the friends and life she left behind, then mentally scolded herself. She had a new life and a new family and even though it might take a while, in time she was sure to make new friends as well.

Her mother-in-law seemed to understand and smiled gently. “At least you’ll have to let me throw you a baby shower for my grandchild once the baby is born.”

“I’d like that, thank you.” Ria decided that now might be a good time to bring up the topic she’d been wondering about all day. “Could you tell me a little about Jarrod’s first wife? I wanted to ask him, but…” She trailed off uncomfortably.

Victoria thought for a moment. “Jarrod and Beth were married only days after they met,” she said finally. “I didn’t know her well, but I remember her being very kind and soft-spoken and I know Jarrod was deeply in love with her.” She looked over at Ria. “Beth was killed less than a week after the wedding by a bullet meant for Jarrod. He… well, I’ll just say it was a difficult time and I’m not sure if he’s completely come to terms with it.”

Ria sat quietly, trying to absorb the information. She now had some inkling of the reasons for the look of pain on his face and the nightmare that brought them together and her heart broke for Jarrod. She had three years with her own departed husband and could only imagine how she would have felt if that time had been cut even shorter. And by a bullet meant for him… Ria could understand why Jarrod was reluctant to speak of his first wife and knew she wouldn’t bring it up, not wanting to cause more heartache.

“I know my son,” Victoria went on, “and I can tell he cares for you and the baby. A mother only wants for her children to be happy and in spite of the circumstances, I think Jarrod has found some of that happiness with you.”

Ria was gratified by the acceptance she felt. “I’ll be a good wife to him, Victoria,” she promised, “and I’ll try to be a good mother to our child.”

“I know you will, Ria,” Victoria assured her and both women were quiet with their own thoughts for the rest of the drive.


	7. Chapter 7

When they arrived back at the ranch, Victoria excused herself to finish taking care of her correspondence. Ria was left at loose ends and didn’t know what she should do with the rest of the afternoon. She thought about unpacking, but wasn’t sure if she should rearrange Jarrod’s room without his knowledge, even though it was hers now too. She decided to take a look around outside, as she didn’t have the chance to see much of the place the day before.

As Ria wandered toward the barn, she noticed Heath in one of the corrals, talking quietly to the horse with him. She watched, fascinated, as the bright chestnut took one step and then another toward the motionless cowboy. Ria could hear Heath speaking, but the words were too low for her to make them out. Finally, after the horse let him rub it all over, Heath gave the animal a pat on the neck and turned toward the fence. He gave a small smile when he saw Ria standing there.

“You must have something better to do than watch me talk to horses,” he said lightly. Ria shook her head, but there was a smile on her face.

“Not really. But that was fascinating.”

Heath jumped over the corral fence and went to stand beside her. “So you settling in all right?”

Ria gave a small nod. “I think so. Everyone’s been so nice so far, it’s just…” Giving a little shrug, she concluded, “It’s just so much. I’ve only read about places like this, it’s hard to believe I actually live in one.”

Heath had to chuckle. “Well, I reckon if I can get used to all this, you can too,” he told her.

Ria was puzzled. “Why would you have to get used to all this? You’re Jarrod’s brother, you both would’ve grown up here.”

Heath looked at her curiously and Ria just knew she was missing something. “Jarrod didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Ria was becoming more confused.

Heath leaned back against the fence and pushed his hat off his forehead. “I am Jarrod’s brother,” he explained, “but my mama wasn’t Victoria Barkley.”

Comprehension dawned on Ria as Heath continued. “I grew up in a little mining town. Only found out about the Barkleys being my family, oh, four years ago, I reckon. Took me a while to get settled, but now some days it’s like I’ve never lived anywhere else. A man couldn’t ask for a better family.”

Which easily explained Victoria’s ready acceptance of her. “And that’s why Jarrod was so insistent I contact him if there was a child,” Ria murmured, almost to herself.

“Reckon that might be part of it,” Heath agreed, a brief look of relief flitting across the blond’s face, “but I’d like to think my brother’s principled enough to do the responsible thing without my example tickling his conscience.”

“I’m sure he would.” Ria couldn’t imagine a man like Jarrod Barkley ever walking away from what he perceived to be his responsibility. “Thanks for taking the time to talk, Heath,” she said, “but I’m sure you’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“Anytime, Ria, and just remember, if that big brother of mine doesn’t treat you right, let me know and I’ll take him out behind the barn for a little talk.”

Ria had to smile. “I don’t think you have to worry,” she assured Heath.

The blond cowboy grinned at her, and, readjusting his hat, strode off in the direction of the barn. “See you at supper.”

Ria turned and went back to the house. Maybe she would start unpacking before Jarrod returned. After all, he had to get used to her being in his life as much as she had to adjust to being in his.

*

“Just remember, if I can’t find my socks in the morning, I’ll have to wake you up to find out where you’ve put them,” Jarrod told her with a chuckle when he arrived home, not minding at all much to Ria’s relief. “Now do you think I can prevail upon my lovely wife to join me downstairs and meet the rest of the family?”

The warmth emanating from Jarrod’s unbelievably blue eyes heartened Ria. “Of course you can, Jarrod.” But she paused before they left their room, needing to know something.

“Jarrod, why didn’t you tell me about Heath?”

Jarrod slowly turned and met Ria’s eyes. “I don’t know,” he confessed. “I take it someone told you.”

Ria nodded. “Heath and I talked a little this afternoon. He’s a very nice man, your brother.”

“Yes, he certainly is.” Jarrod was silent for a moment, then took Ria’s hand and led her to the bed where they sat side by side. “We never knew about Heath. After he came to us, I was angry with my father for a long time, for being unfaithful and for not going back to find out if he’d fathered a child. His inaction denied Heath his right to grow up knowing his family and denied us the chance to grow up together. When I saw you…” Jarrod placed a gentle hand on Ria’s belly and smiled when the baby kicked. “I was angry at myself, for almost letting it happen again.”

Ria smiled back. “It took both of us, remember?” She remembered and suddenly longed to have Jarrod wrap his strong arms around her and kiss her like he had the night their baby was conceived. Ria felt her face grow warm at the thought of the two of them together and, hoping Jarrod wouldn’t notice, got to her feet, still holding his hand. “Come on, let’s go downstairs for dinner.”

 

\----------------------------

Meeting the other members of Jarrod’s family was just as easy as meeting Victoria and Heath had been. Nick gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek and Audra was insistent that Ria allow her to take her shopping for the baby.

As dinner progressed, Ria started to feel more at home with her new family. Growing up as an only child, she always wished for brothers and sisters and through a strange twist of fate, she now had them.

Jarrod must have noticed her smile of contentment and Ria returned the fond glance he threw her way. Maybe there’d be more to this marriage than just responsibility to their unborn child after all.

Ria turned her attention back to the conversation.

“So, Audra,” Nick asked, spearing another chunk of roast beef off the platter, “did Ted Masters finally ask you to the dance Saturday night?”

“I’ll have you know he asked me three days ago,” Audra retorted. “Unlike some people, he doesn’t keep a girl waiting. Who have you asked?”

“Haven’t quite made up my mind yet,” Nick answered, chewing thoughtfully. “I was thinking the lucky girl might be Connie Adams---”

Audra smiled. “Jack Cooper just asked her yesterday.”

Nick gave his sister an annoyed look. “But probably Emily Stewart---”

“Sorry, Nick,” Heath interrupted with a grin that said he wasn’t the least bit sorry. “Emily agreed to go with me this morning.”

Nick’s glare at his younger siblings caused smiles and chuckles around the table.

“And I’m sure we’ll see you and Jarrod there, Ria,” Audra said brightly to her new sister-in-law.

Ria wasn’t sure how to answer. Jarrod hadn’t mentioned anything, and as much as she loved to dance, Ria wasn’t sure if she felt up to braving the stares and whispers she knew would ensue if they were to show up at a social event like that with her in a family way. She glanced over at Jarrod, who was studiously looking at his plate. She didn’t even know if he’d want to take her and experienced a pang of sadness in spite of the misgivings she had about attending at all.

“I don’t think it would really be appropriate,” Ria answered in a soft voice.

Jarrod noticed the look of disappointment cross Ria’s face and looked away, unable to meet her eyes. He really hadn’t remembered the dance at all, but felt guilty for not speaking up right away and asking if she’d like to go. In the past year, he had no desire to attend any social events and only went to those he couldn’t easily avoid. But he had Ria’s feelings to consider now and having her think he didn’t want to take her just didn’t sit right with the principled lawyer.

Jarrod drew Ria aside after dinner. “Ria, I have to apologize. I completely forgot the dance and should have said something right away when Audra mentioned it. Would you like to go?”

“Jarrod, you don’t have to,” Ria protested.

Jarrod took her hands in his. “But I want to,” he insisted, surprised at how true that statement was. “I want to show off my beautiful wife.”

Ria shook her head even as she smiled. “People are already talking. I don’t want to cause any further scandal to your family.”

Jarrod again felt remorse for causing Ria to think he might be ashamed of her and the baby and was determined to do a better job at making his wife feel welcome. “You’re right, people are already talking.” He brushed a stray lock of hair off her face and gave her a dashing smile. “So let’s show them we don’t care and just enjoy ourselves.”

Ria smiled her assent, unable to resist the endearing expression in his blue eyes. “All right, Jarrod. As long as you enjoy having your feet stepped on. I don’t think I’m quite as graceful as I used to be.”

Jarrod chuckled as he wrapped an arm around his wife. Walking to the library for some after dinner socialization with the family, Jarrod found he was looking forward to the upcoming night out more than he’d looked forward to anything in a long time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _According to the times, a woman wouldn’t show up at something like a dance after her pregnancy was obvious. But the Barkleys seem to be a law unto themselves with regard to social customs, so…_

Jarrod gave Ria his arm as they strolled over to watch the dancers. Happy couples whirled to the fast beat and Ria thought she spotted Jarrod’s siblings amongst the flurry of bodies.

Ria stood, enjoying the music, when the inevitable whispers reached her ears.

 _“…the audacity of showing up here in her condition…”_

 _“…just like his father…”_

 _“…what kind of woman can she be…”_

Easier to say she didn’t care than it was to actually do it. Ria felt a hot blush starting across her face as the band struck up a waltz. She looked over to Jarrod and took courage from his blue eyes full of kindness and compassion, knowing he too overheard the comments directed at both of them.

Jarrod held his hand out to her. “Would you care to dance, Ria?”

Ria took her husband’s hand gratefully. “I thought you’d never ask,” she said and followed him onto the dance floor.

Swept into Jarrod’s arms, Ria didn’t feel the least bit clumsy as she followed his strong lead. He pulled her close and when her abdomen pressed against him, she looked up to discover a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

“Why, Mr. Barkley,” Ria protested, teasing, “I do believe you’re holding me rather indecently close for such a public gathering.”

“Well, Mrs. Barkley,” Jarrod replied, obviously enjoying himself, “if people are going to talk anyway, we might as well give them something to talk about.”

 _“…shameless, flaunting themselves like that…”_

Ria couldn’t help a laugh when Jarrod leaned close and whispered in her ear, “Shall we flaunt ourselves even more?”

Ria danced in Jarrod’s arms for what seemed like hours. The rest of the world melted away until it felt like there was only the two of them. Ria never expected to find again a love that burned as bright as her and John’s, but she could feel a spark had definitely kindled with Jarrod. Yes, she knew Jarrod’s outrageous flirtation was designed to show the citizens of Stockton that they didn’t care about the gossip going around, but surely it also showed he felt something too, a growing friendship if nothing else. And even if her heart yearned for more, a marriage developing into friendship was more than a lot of couples in their situation had.

But later that night, after she and Jarrod went to bed, Ria wished he would put his arms around her and hold her close. She knew from talking to Victoria that Jarrod still wasn’t completely over the death of his first wife and knew that there was a chance he might never be over her. Ria sighed as she lay there, staring into the darkness, and felt the baby inside her move restlessly. At least there was this one thing neither of them had with their previous loves, this small life they had created together.

It was going to work, Ria vowed to herself. She could tell by the expression in Jarrod’s eyes when his gaze rested on her belly that he already loved this child as much as she did, and that love, as well as the mutual respect they had for each other, would help ensure their little family had a happy life together.

\--------------------

Jarrod tried to concentrate on the Anderton account books that he’d brought home, but the numbers wouldn’t make it off the page and into his mind. Instead, his thoughts kept drifting to last night. Jarrod smiled as he remembered holding Ria in his arms, close enough to feel the occasional kick of the baby inside her and definitely close enough to outrage some of the valley’s more narrow-minded citizens.

But what had started off as a campaign to show Stockton’s busybodies he and Ria didn’t give a fig for what they thought had an unexpected result. Jarrod felt a stirring of unsolicited affection for Ria, the kind of affection he didn’t want or welcome. He already cared for her and respected her, not to mention the love growing for his unborn baby, and that was enough to provide a happy home for their child. He didn’t intend to experience the depth of passion that led him down that dark road of despair he found himself on after Beth’s murder. Life gave no guarantees and even though it was unlikely the same thing would happen to Ria, Jarrod wasn’t willing to take that chance.

Jarrod closed his eyes and tried to banish the image of Ria’s honey-gold hair and that pretty smile that lit up any room she was in. But he couldn’t do it and resolutely stared down at the columns of numbers again to see if that would help.

Hearing the door open, Jarrod looked up and tried to quash the leap of his heart as Ria entered the library. She set the coffee service she was carrying on a clear part of the desk and Jarrod tried to control his unwanted emotions as she smiled hesitantly.

“I thought you could use a break,” Ria said uncertainly, as if she wasn’t sure if her presence was an intrusion.

“That was very thoughtful of you, “ Jarrod assured her. “I could definitely use a cup of coffee about now.” He sniffed the rich aroma as she poured a cup. “I remember how good your coffee is.”

“Silas was kind enough to let me invade his kitchen,” Ria told him.

Jarrod took a sip of the steaming beverage. “And I’m glad he did. But I’m sure Silas wouldn’t think you were invading. In fact, with the way this family eats, I can guarantee he’d welcome any help you want to give him.” Jarrod saw Ria’s eyes light up and the satisfaction he felt at making her happy warmed him.

“Maybe I’ll ask if he needs any help with dinner later.” Ria glanced at the ledgers in front of Jarrod. “I should probably leave you to your work. I’m sure with all your family’s businesses, you need to spend a lot of time with the books.”

Jarrod gave her a rueful smile. “And this isn’t even one of ours, I’m afraid. I’m looking these over for a client and not getting anywhere.”

“I used to do my parents’ accounts and looked after the books for the hotel in town. If you’d like some help…” Jarrod was a bit surprised by the offer and Ria must have caught it, because she instantly apologized. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be interfering in your work. I’ll just leave the coffee.”

Ria turned to make a hasty retreat, but Jarrod got up and caught her arm before she could leave. “You’re not interfering, Ria,” he promised her. “And as I said, I haven’t been getting anywhere. Any help would be welcome at this point.” Jarrod surrendered to his desire to spend more time in Ria’s company as he briefly laid out his client’s misgivings without giving away any confidential information.

Ria took one of the books and settled herself on the sofa. Jarrod tried, but he couldn’t keep his gaze from returning to her. Ria tucked her feet under her skirts and sat leaning against the armrest as she perused the book she balanced on her belly. A lock of hair had escaped the comb holding it back and Jarrod fought off the urge to walk over and touch it, to caress the soft skin of her cheek before tucking the wayward strand back behind her ear. His gaze rested on the swell of her belly and Jarrod smiled to himself, hoping if the baby was a girl she’d look just like her mother.

It wasn’t long before Ria declared, “I don’t think this is the only set of books, Jarrod.”

Jarrod raised a questioning eyebrow and came around the desk to look over her shoulder. “What makes you say that?”

Ria gestured to the tidy lines of numbers. “It’s too perfect. When was the last time you did accounts and not make any mistakes?” She blushed a little at her assumption. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I always had at least one number marked down or added wrong that needed to be changed.”

Jarrod instantly realized that was what had been bothering him. It wasn’t the figuring but the way the numbers were written that was wrong. Ria was right; no account book was that perfect. “I believe you may be on to something.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “But now that I know you like bookkeeping, don’t be surprised if I ask for help now and then. As you said, the family’s books take up a lot of time. And I don’t mind telling you, I hate accounting.”

Ria’s smile lit up her face. “I’d be happy to help, Jarrod. In fact, I haven’t been sure what to do with myself. I’m used to keeping busy, but there didn’t seem to be anything around here I’m needed to do. But if you say Silas wouldn’t mind me lending a hand in the kitchen and you could use my help with the books…” She paused, unsure what else to say.

Jarrod smiled back. “One thing you should know about this family is that even though we’re stubborn enough not to ask or accept help every time, the offer’s always welcome.”

Ria looked at him appreciatively and Jarrod felt pleased he was able to make her feel useful. Uncomfortable feelings aside, Ria was his wife and the mother of his child and he owed it to her to make her happy.

Ria got to her feet. “If it’s all right, Jarrod, I think I’ll go ask Silas if he could use some help fixing dinner.”

“I can’t wait,” Jarrod told her as he escorted her to the door. “From what I remember, your cooking is almost as good as your coffee.”

As Jarrod returned to his desk to make his notes for Harv Anderton, Jarrod knew his resolve to remain detached was crumbling. It had taken a solid blow at the dance and he was coming to realize that he would do almost anything for one of Ria’s smiles. The empty place he had inside since Beth was slowly beginning to fill and Jarrod wasn’t sure if that scared him or made him want to shout for joy.


	9. Chapter 9

Jarrod thanked Ciego as he gave the stableman Jingo’s reins and took two steps onto the front porch, looking forward to seeing his wife. He thought she’d be happy to hear Harv’s brother-in-law had coughed up the real set of accounts for his business and Jarrod’s client was understandably relieved he hadn’t bought into what turned out to be a badly run operation.

Over the past couple days, Jarrod found himself thinking of his wife in more affectionate terms and questioning his resolution to not let himself fall in love. Not, he smiled as he envisioned the sweet, capable woman he had married, that there seemed to be anything he could do to stop it.

Jarrod patted his pocket to make sure the box was still there. He’d stopped by the jeweler’s on impulse when he realized he hadn’t bought Ria a wedding gift yet, and hoped she’d like the silver locket he picked out. He wanted to get her something a bit more extravagant, but wasn’t sure what her tastes in jewelry were and besides, they’d find a much better selection in San Francisco when he got the chance to take her there after the baby was born.

Jarrod walked through the front door and was about to take off his hat when he saw the still form crumpled at the bottom of the stairs.

“Ria,” he whispered and rushed to her side. Jarrod took her hand in his and his heart started beating again when he felt her strong pulse. “Ria, sweetheart, talk to me,” he pleaded. He didn’t hear the footsteps enter the room behind him followed by a sharp intake of breath, so he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Jarrod, what happened?” his mother’s voice asked. “I was just out in the garden…”

Jarrod shook his head as he stroked Ria’s hair. “I don’t know, Mother,” and turned his full attention toward his wife when her heard her soft moan. “Ria, it’s Jarrod.” She blinked open her eyes and tried to sit up, but Jarrod prevented her. “Don’t move, sweetheart. Just lie still. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I was coming downstairs…” Ria’s voice was soft and halting. “I think…I remember falling…I must have misstepped…” Her face contorted in a spasm of pain.

“Ria, what’s wrong? Where are you hurt?” Jarrod asked, concerned.

Ria shook her head. “I don’t…” The pain washed over her again and her hand flew to encircle her belly. A look of terror came over her face. “Jarrod, the baby---”

Jarrod looked at his mother in alarm.

“I’ll send someone for Dr. Merar,” Victoria told him, keeping her voice steady for her son and daughter-in-law’s sakes. “Jarrod, can you take Ria to your room and make her comfortable? I’ll be up in a few moments.”

Jarrod gently gathered Ria into his arms and proceeded to carry her up the stairs.

“Jarrod, it’s too soon,” Ria said in agony. “It’s only been six months.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Jarrod pushed open the door and set Ria down on the bed. He sat behind her and held her resting against his chest. Smoothing her hair, Jarrod kissed Ria’s head tenderly. He had to be strong, for her sake, but every look of pain that crossed Ria’s face crumbled his heart just a little bit more. Losing this baby was not something he was prepared to face and Jarrod had no idea how he was going to deal with it if the worst did happen.

Victoria hurried into the room. “I found Nick, he sent someone into town. Ria, are the pains still coming?”

Ria nodded and gasped as another wave washed over her. “I think my water just broke,” she said with a sob and buried her face against Jarrod’s shoulder.

Jarrod looked into his mother’s eyes for any sort of reassurance as he held Ria close, but she had none to give. “What can we do?” he asked, but feared he already knew the answer.

“We can only wait.” Victoria placed a hand on Jarrod’s arm and squeezed gently. “Why don’t you go downstairs and send Howard up as soon as he gets here?”

Jarrod nodded and extracted himself slowly from behind his wife. “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” he told Ria as he kissed her forehead. Ria nodded, eyes bright with tears. “Take care of her, Mother,” and he left the room with one final, lingering glance.

Jarrod made his way downstairs and sunk into the chair by the fireplace. He put his head in his hands and allowed himself to give in to the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him. He felt more than heard Nick’s presence as his younger brother sat on the edge of the table beside him.

“I take it it’s bad.”

Jarrod lifted his head and met Nick’s compassionate hazel eyes with his own red-rimmed blue ones. “It’s bad,” he confirmed. “Ria… I think she’s going to lose the baby.”

“Pappy, I…” But Nick could think of nothing to say, no words of comfort for the older brother who’d always been there for him. “The doc’ll be here soon,” he tried, “maybe he can do something.”

“Maybe.” But there was no hope in Jarrod’s tone.

Nick had finally convinced his older brother to have a drink when Victoria appeared on the landing almost an hour later.

“Jarrod, I think you should come upstairs.”

Jarrod immediately got to his feet and took the stairs two at a time. Nick’s hand tightened around the scotch he’d just poured for Jarrod and he tossed it back in one gulp as Heath entered the room.

“Heard what happened. Any news?” the blond cowboy asked quietly.

Nick slammed the glass down almost hard enough to break it. “No. But I don’t think it looks good.”

Victoria met Jarrod at the door to his room. “Ria had a little girl.” She tried to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“Is the baby…?” Jarrod couldn’t bring himself to finish the question.

“No, not yet.”

Jarrod opened the door slowly and entered the room. He saw Ria, sitting on the bed, staring at the pitifully small bundle she held in her arms, face streaked with tears. It seemed to take forever to cross the room and sit beside her but once there, Jarrod was drawn to his daughter’s tiny face and mesmerized by the brilliant blue eyes looking back at him. He also couldn’t miss the struggle for every gasping breath.

“She’s beautiful, Ria,” Jarrod said softly. Ria just nodded, unable to tear her eyes away from the baby in her arms. “She needs a name.”

“What about Anne?” Ria’s voice was barely a whisper.

Jarrod reached down and stroked his daughter’s cheek with a gentle finger. “Hello, Anne.” He put his arm around Ria and they watched their baby girl fight for breath until she finally closed her eyes and lay still.

Ria’s tears started flowing freely. “I’m so sorry, Jarrod,” she sobbed.

Jarrod had no words to console his grieving wife; how could he when his heart was broken as well? He just kept his arm around her while his world collapsed again into a million tiny pieces.

Victoria entered the room, followed by Dr. Merar. “Oh, Jarrod,” she said in a choked tone when she saw the tears on both faces.

Howard Merar went to the side of the bed and took one look at the tiny form wrapped in her blankets. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he told them with genuine compassion. “I don’t want to intrude, but I’d like to examine you, Mrs. Barkley, if that’s all right.”

“I’ll take her, Ria.” Ria nodded as Jarrod lifted the baby from her arms. He cradled the small bundle as he made his slow way out of the room.

Victoria followed and shook her head at Nick and Heath as they both moved to intercept their older brother. “He needs time to grieve on his own,” she told them quietly, watching Jarrod sit back in the chair by the fireplace. His eyes never left the still form he held. “I’m going to go see if Ria needs anything.”

The two ranchers watched Jarrod’s tears begin to fall as he held the body of his newborn daughter.

“There’s gotta be something we can do,” Nick said in frustration.

Heath was silent for a moment. “I can think of one thing. C’mon, Nick.” The two brothers quietly left the house, leaving the third alone to mourn.

\-------------------------

A grey drizzle was falling the next day as the family headed to the gravesite. All eyes were on the small wooden box, crafted by Nick and Heath’s caring hands, as Jarrod’s two brothers slowly lowered it into the hole they’d dug that morning.

Jarrod kept his arm around Ria’s waist, supporting her, trying to derive some sort of comfort from her presence. His first instinct had been the right one; he’d opened his heart to love for his little daughter and had been repaid again with devastation and heartbreak.

Jarrod knew Ria had to be grieving even more than he was. She hadn’t said much since yesterday and the normally articulate lawyer could think of nothing to say himself. What did you say to your wife of only one week after losing the baby who was the reason you got married in the first place? The woman you’d just come to realize you loved before everything was taken away and the woman you wished desperately you could turn off your feelings for before you were hurt again?

Nick and Heath nodded at Jarrod’s wordless look of thanks when they offered to stay and fill in the small grave. Jarrod slowly drove the surrey home and Ria immediately excused herself when they arrived to retreat into her room.

Jarrod headed for the relative solitude of the library and poured himself a drink. Downing the first one quickly, he poured another, wanting nothing more than to take the edge off his pain.

“How are you doing, dear?”

Jarrod didn’t turn at the sound of his mother’s voice, he just continued staring unseeing at the wall.

“Jarrod. You know we’re here for you if you need us.”

Jarrod drained his glass. “I’ll be all right, Mother,” he answered quietly.

Walking up to stand in front of him, Victoria cupped his cheek with her hand. “Are you sure, Jarrod?” she questioned, concern showing in her eyes.

Jarrod gave her a sad smile to try and alleviate some of her worries and shrugged slightly. “To be honest, the only thing I’m sure of is how thankful I am to be surrounded by my family.”

Victoria put her arms around him and pulled him close. Jarrod closed his eyes and returned the embrace, glad he’d never be too old to take comfort in his mother’s arms.

“How do you think Ria is doing?” she asked after a moment.

Jarrod shook his head, conflicted emotions over his feelings for his wife surfacing again. “I don’t know. She hasn’t really said anything to me and… honestly, I’m not sure what I should say.”

Victoria patted his arm reassuringly. “Would you like me to check on her?”

“I’d appreciate it, Mother.”

Giving his arm a small squeeze, Victoria left Jarrod alone with his thoughts.

\-----------------

Ria heard the light tap on the door, but couldn’t make herself acknowledge it, couldn’t seem to do anything but curl up in a tight ball in the middle of the bed. She heard the door open hesitantly and made out the form of her mother-in-law standing in the doorway.

“I was wondering if you needed anything, dear.”

Ria shook her head, holding back tears. “I’ll be fine, Victoria. I just…I want to be alone right now.”

Respecting the request, Victoria turned to go. “If you need anything, please know we’re here for you, Ria.” But Ria wasn’t looking at her anymore and she slowly left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Ria wasn’t sure how long she cried before her tears finally wore themselves out to leave her feeling drained and hollow. Even John and her parents’ deaths hadn’t hit her as hard as the loss of her beautiful baby girl. She lay curled up on the bed, cheek against the sodden pillow as she contemplated the circumstances she was now in.

Jarrod married her because she was pregnant with his child. But now, there was no baby to hold them together, no reason why Jarrod should tie his life to hers. Her heart, which she thought couldn’t feel any worse, broke again as she thought of the warm, caring man she had come to love and how the future she hoped for was now shattered. She knew Jarrod would deny it, knew that he would insist on honouring the vows they made only a week ago, but also knew she couldn’t let him. No matter how much she loved him, Jarrod deserved someone he could love as well.

And she really didn’t belong here. This wasn’t her home and the Barkleys weren’t her family. Given time, Ria knew she would have grown to belong, but that fall down the stairs robbed her of everything, of her baby, her husband, the chance for a new life. The only thing she could think of doing was to return and try to pick up her old life where she’d left it. She’d give Jarrod his freedom; surely he could arrange for an annulment or a divorce without much problem.

Wiping her tears and mustering her resolve, Ria started making plans to return to Carter’s Crossing.


	10. Chapter 10

Ria looked at her packed belongings and wondered how she would get them out to a wagon without anyone being the wiser. She felt like a coward, leaving without saying goodbye, but she knew Jarrod and his family would try to talk her into staying. And she knew if they tried hard enough, she’d give in, doing herself and the Barkleys a disservice. From Jarrod’s actions over the past week, Ria knew he was only going through the motions, only adhering to his vows of marriage because he was an honourable man and honour dictated he keep the promises made to her. But his heart wasn’t in it. Oh, she understood he was grieving, the same as she, but Jarrod was going out of his way to avoid her. He’d moved to one of the guestrooms after she lost the baby, saying she needed peace and quiet to recover, but he hadn’t given any indication he was ever planning to move back in with her. He rose early to head to his office in Stockton and didn’t return home until well after dark. Ria recognized that Jarrod was trying to distance himself from her and didn’t force the issue; it gave her an excuse to isolate herself in her room and only made her decision to leave easier, if no less heartbreaking.

In the end, Ria decided just to take her carpetbag, as she was sure the Barkleys would send the rest of her things out to her. Checking the clock on the mantel, Ria figured if she left now, she’d get to the station with only about ten minutes or so before the train left and leave very little time for anyone to spot her and find out what she was up to before it was too late. Ria left the room carrying her bag and made her way downstairs, only stopping briefly in the room Jarrod was using to prop the envelope against a lamp on the bedside table and she brushed a tear off her face as she did so. She might be a coward, but she wasn’t going to leave without a word and worry anyone.

Having picked an afternoon when Victoria and Audra were out of the house and Nick and Heath were out on the range with most, if not all, of the ranch hands, Ria made sure to tell Silas at lunch she wasn’t feeling up to company and may or may not be down for dinner and not to worry about her.

Slipping out to the barn, Ria hoisted her bag onto the saddle of one of the horses they always kept ready, swung into the saddle herself and headed away from the Barkley Ranch.

*

Jarrod wearily dismounted when he reached the barn. Seeing to Jingo without really thinking, he reflected with a bit of surprise that he was still able to focus on the work at his law practice. If anyone had asked, he wasn’t sure if he could have told them what he’d done that day, and would have been hard pressed to say even what day it was. But in a way, he was grateful for the numbness he felt; he had a hard time caring about anything and if he didn’t care, he couldn’t be hurt. A life devoid of emotion was preferable to the pain that came in the wake of any happiness.

Taking some papers out of his saddlebags to work on later, Jarrod started to the house only to halt when a shadow stepped out of the gloom.

“Long day, Jarrod?”

The lawyer paused as Heath casually walked up alongside him and shrugged, not feeling like answering.

“Must have a big case coming up,” the blond cowboy continued, “haven’t seen you home for dinner in a while.”

“Lots of work to be done,” Jarrod replied and continued toward the house. Heath’s hand on his arm stopped him.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Jarrod sighed. He’d talked to clients all day; all he wanted now was to be left alone. But Heath didn’t ask to talk very often, and when he did, nothing would put him off. Jarrod turned his full attention onto his younger brother. “Sure, Heath.”

Heath tucked his hands in his pockets and Jarrod just wished he’d get on with it. “I was wanting to know what your intentions are toward Ria.”

Jarrod’s insides froze. “She’s my wife, Heath,” he said coolly, “until death do us part I believe were the vows we took. And I intend to honour them.”

Heath wasn’t about to let it go at that. “What about the rest, Jarrod? The part that says to love and to cherish?” When Jarrod didn’t answer, Heath pushed on. “Jarrod, you can probably guess how I felt when you brought Ria home. I was disappointed in you, but proud you did right by her and I swore to myself I’d do what I could to make Ria feel like she had a place here. I know you’re hurting, but I don’t think you’re doing right by her now. Jarrod, you should be grieving with Ria, not shutting her out. If you don’t love her, if you’re just keeping the letter of your vows and not the spirit, maybe you should let her go. Let her be happy.”

“And you don’t think she’ll be happy here?”

“How many times have you seen her in the past week, Jarrod?” Heath wanted to know. “She barely comes out of her room and when she does, she hardly says anything. From the look on her face, reckon she spends a lot of time crying.”

Heath’s words hit Jarrod like a punch to the gut. He’d been so wrapped up in walling himself off, in trying to stop from feeling any more pain, that he hadn’t even considered he might harm someone else in the process. He sagged against one of the house’s white pillars.

“God, Heath, what do I do? I never wanted to hurt Ria, but after Beth, and now the baby… I don’t know if I can handle being hurt like that again.”

Heath laid a brotherly hand on Jarrod’s shoulder as the lawyer squeezed his eyes shut to stop any tears from leaking through.

“And what if something happened to Mother, or Audra?” Heath asked insistently. “Are you gonna stop loving your family on the off chance that something’ll happen? Life don’t give no guarantees, big brother. I always figure you take the blessings you’re given and hold on to them tight, ‘cause you never know how long you’re gonna have them. Don’t shut out life, Jarrod, or you’ll be one mighty unhappy man.”

Heath squeezed his brother’s shoulder and went into the house.

Jarrod stayed where he was for a few more minutes, thinking about what Heath said. Could he really turn off his feelings and stop caring? And more importantly, did he really want to? He had thought he did, but Heath’s words gave him something more to consider.

If something happened to his mother or his sister or his brothers, Jarrod knew he’d be devastated. But to stop caring for them, just because he was afraid of being hurt? That was unthinkable. In spite of his earlier thoughts, he couldn’t conceive of a life without the love for his family. So where did that leave his feelings for Ria?

He thought back to those two perfect weeks he’d spent with Beth. Did he truly wish he’d never met her, never cared about her? He remembered the enjoyable evening with Ria at the dance, the way her smile made him feel and suddenly realized he did want to feel that way again. Heath was right; life didn’t give guarantees and sometimes what you gained more than outweighed the risks. In that moment, Jarrod understood that to love at all was to be vulnerable; that if he wanted to live, he had to open his heart and take the chance.

Jarrod knew he loved Ria and it hurt to know that he had likely made her feel unwanted and unloved during a time when she needed his love and support the most.

Resolving to make it up to her in whatever way he could, Jarrod headed into the house and took the stairs two at a time. He paused in the room he’d been using to put down the papers he brought from town and noticed an envelope with his name on it sitting against the lamp. Somehow, that simple piece of paper filled Jarrod’s heart with dread and his hand shook as he picked it up and read its contents.

 

 _Dear Jarrod,_

 _By the time you read this, I will likely be over halfway home. I am sorry I did not say goodbye in person, I suppose I thought it would just be easier this way. Please thank your family for all the kindness they have shown me and thank you as well. I will leave the horse I borrowed at the livery in town and if you could send the rest of my things, I would be grateful.  
If you need to contact me, to sign any papers for an annulment or divorce, I will be back in Carter’s Crossing._

 _You will always have a special place in my heart._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Ria_

 

Jarrod sank to the bed, letter falling unnoticed to the floor. He’d realized his mistakes too late; she was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."_ C. S. Lewis


	11. Chapter 11

The sun was shining brightly as Jarrod rode toward Ria’s little house. He knew he’d find her there even without her letter, the home she had for so long before leaving to go with him. After Ria left the ranch, Jarrod spent a long night of soul-searching and knew he had to go find Ria and talk to her, tell her how much he loved her and wanted her in his life, those things he should have said long before. He rode out early the next morning after leaving his family a brief note explaining where he was going and why.

Now he was almost there and he still wasn’t sure what he was going to say. It bothered him a bit, more used to having his arguments all planned out in advance, but he hadn’t been able to think of an infallible way to present his case. Jarrod laughed at himself. Once a lawyer, always a lawyer. Ria wasn’t an opposing attorney, she was the woman he loved and the words would just have to come from his heart.

Not seeing her in the yard, Jarrod pulled up in front of the house and dismounted. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. In a moment, he heard footsteps and the look on Ria’s face when she opened the door was one of shock.

“Jarrod…” she said in surprise, “I… I didn’t expect to see you.”

Jarrod removed his hat and held it tightly. “I just want to talk. May I come in?”

Ria nodded and stepped aside, allowing Jarrod to enter before she shut the door slowly. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Jarrod spoke.

“Ria, you didn’t have to leave.”

“Yes, I did, Jarrod.” Ria turned away as a tear leaked out and Jarrod longed to take her in his arms and kiss the pain away. “Our beautiful baby… the reason we got married is gone and I…” She had to take a deep breath before she could continue. “I know you didn’t marry me for love and in time, you’ll thank me for letting you go.”

“Maybe we didn’t marry for love, but I do love you, Ria.”

Ria turned, disbelief on her face, tears streaking her cheeks as Jarrod went on.

“After Beth, I didn’t want to be hurt again,” Jarrod told her. “I thought I could choose not to let you into my heart, but it seems we don’t decide whether to love or not, it decides for us.” He walked over to her and softly caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you." Jarrod’s voice was full of anguish. "I love you, Ria. We’ve just lost our daughter, please don’t let me lose you too.”

Ria stood still, unmoving, and suddenly Jarrod had a horrible feeling. Ria didn’t marry him because she loved him and just because his feelings had changed, that didn’t mean hers had. Jarrod thought back to Ria’s admission she’d never been away from Carter’s Crossing before he brought her to Stockton. She left the only life she knew to come with him so their baby could grow up with both a mother and a father, but that didn’t mean she really wanted to be there. And now, with their daughter gone, Jarrod knew he had to let her go.

“But if you don’t want to stay married to me, I understand,” Jarrod told her with a heavy heart. “I won’t stand in your way if you want a divorce.”

“I don’t want a divorce,” Ria whispered through the tears. “Oh, Jarrod, I love you, too.” A look of disbelief, then joy came over Jarrod’s face as she moved into his arms. She gazed up at him with shining eyes as he gently wiped the tears off her cheek, then slipped his hand behind her head and drew her in for a long, passionate kiss.

When they drew apart, Jarrod’s voice was almost a whisper as he said, “Will you marry me, Ariana?”

Ria saw the earnest expression in his blue eyes and smiled. “Jarrod, we’re already married.”

“But this time marry me for love.” Jarrod’s tone was sincere and Ria smiled at him and he knew again that he’d do anything for one of her smiles. “I know we can’t ever truly start over, we’ve both lost too much, but our lives can still go on. I hope they can go on together.”

“With an argument like that, you should be a lawyer,” Ria teased, smiling through the tears that just wouldn’t seem to stop.

Jarrod tenderly kissed the tears away. “Does that mean I’ve won my case and you’ll marry me again?”

Ria nodded. “As many times as you want, Jarrod.” And she tilted her head again as Jarrod leaned in for another kiss.

 

*

 _Epilogue_

 

“Thomas Aaron Barkley! I swear you’ll be the death of me!” Ria snagged the rambunctious two-year-old before he managed to climb into the corral.

“See horsies!” The dark-haired boy turned to his mother and looked up at her with soulful blue eyes. Ria sighed as she recognized the same expression that Thomas’ father used when he wanted her to agree to something. One day, she vowed, she’d find a way to resist, but it was almost impossible to say no when Jarrod looked at her like that and Thomas was definitely his father’s son.

“As soon as your papa gets home,” Ria promised and was rewarded with the sound of hoofbeats entering the yard.

“Papa!” Thomas called and Ria managed to restrain the squirming bundle of energy until Jarrod dismounted and came over to pick up his son in a sweeping hug. “See horsies,” the small boy insisted, pointing to the corral his mother had just retrieved him from.

“Well, how about letting me get changed and I’ll take you riding?” Jarrod suggested. Thomas bounced excitedly in his father’s arms and planted a big kiss on his cheek. “Go into the kitchen and I’m sure Grandma or Silas will pack us some cookies for a snack.” Jarrod set him down and Thomas ran in the direction of the house, shouting, “Gamma, Gamma, need cookies!”

Ria shook her head as Jarrod chuckled. “I think your son has only two speeds, fast and faster,” she lamented with a smile. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep up. At the rate I’m growing, I don’t think it’ll be long before I can’t even get up. ”

Jarrod pulled her into his embrace and Ria slipped her arms around his neck as he leaned down to kiss her. “As long as you still fit into my arms, sweetheart,” he assured her, “I don’t care how big you get.” He smiled as they felt the baby kick. “Maybe it’ll be twins,” he suggested, eyes twinkling.

“Don’t you dare even think it, Jarrod,” Ria scolded, but her eyes were laughing as well. “I wouldn’t mind a big family, but one at a time is enough for me.”

Jarrod wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked slowly toward the house. “Have I ever told you how incredibly lucky I was to get caught in that storm?”

“Oh, I think once or twice.”

Jarrod paused and turned Ria to face him. “Well, I need to say it again. It was Providence that brought me to your door that night, Ria. To think of what we would have missed…”

Ria reached up to touch his cheek. “But we didn’t. We didn’t have her for very long, but I’m still thankful for our little girl. Without Anne, we wouldn’t have any of this.” She reached up to kiss him, but they were interrupted by a shout of, “Master Thomas! Get back here!”

Jarrod chuckled and gave Ria a quick kiss before they went into the house, knowing they could brave any challenge life threw at them, as long as they were together.


End file.
